Roadside Chuck – Delicious cuts of beef collected from scenic highways around the country. Flattened to the peak of tenderness.
County Line Cuts – (A division of Borders Beef Co.) Steaks and stew meat with an exotic history. Green card available upon request.
Pencil Thin Meats – The closest thing you can get to jerky and still pay fresh meat prices.
Hyden Hare – Novelty meats for teething babies and dog training.
No Fat Pats – Ground meat from aged, exercised beef, supplied by Vold Rodeo Productions.
Holiday Helper – Pressed patties preformed in the shape of the occasion; Santa, a turkey, a football, the judge’s gavel.
Space Foods – Shrink-wrapped, unidentifiable portions intended to be served a long way from point of purchase.
Sweet Meats – Chocolate-covered chicken kidneys, beef liver or sliced pork tongue, expensively and individually wrapped in foil.
Marinated Merry Meat – Your choice of brisket or flank steak marinated in the fruit juice of the day. Hawaiian punch, grape, etc.
Churchill Downs Sports Meat – A line of highly select steaks and specialty cuts from near winners.
Certified Beef Beef – Guaranteed to contain less than 0.2 percent by weight rodent hair, weevils, water buffalo, Sho Glo, Wildroot Cream Oil and Spam.
Ma’s Dehydrated Deli Meats – Excellent for busy traveler. Simply open the handy zip lock bag and add water. Makes its own gravy!
Sierra Sam’s All Natural Trail Mix – A delightful concoction of dried beef, pine needles, shredded Environmental Impact Statements and quaky bark.
Billy Bob’s Beef Tallow – Great for your complexion. Eat it, drink it or rub it on!
Lo Tar Tibits – Small portions from nonsmoking steers.
Wyoming One Shot Select – Stew meat marinated in liquid smoke. Contains a tantalizing hint of antelope.